Step I forget what number it is: Hurricanes, the End of Times and other fun things to do this fall

Does anyone else see similarities between the weather channel and that movie The Day After Tomorrow as of late? Apparently we get an average of two hurricanes a year; so far we have had five. Now if that's not Mother Nature Stepping Up!® I don't know what is! In this step we are going to talk about all the wonderful things that come along with crazy weather and how you can make the best of them with the Step Up!® Program.

Floods: nature's wettest killer. Everything is getting all wet thanks to Ivan the hurricane and Billy the Tropical storm, ok I made that up but I can only remember Ivan. All I know is there has been a crap load of super killer hurricanes this year, but I guess that's what we get for naming one after a Russia tsar who everyone thought was terrible. I bet if they named it Izzy or Pippy it wouldn't have been so bad or at less when it was bad we could have heard the weather person go "Hurricane Pippy kills 30 people, injures a 100 more, trailerparkvill is now being designated a big pile of scrap now back to Dan with little sports heroes of the week" I think that would have made things a lot easier for us to handle. Talking about being able to handle! Am I the only one who has noticed that in ever place there's a flood there is a guy in a kayak just rowing along, like nothing even happened? Well I believe this is the most prepared man in the world. But he is only prepared for floods, I call this man Kayak Guy!!!! And he has totally Stepped Up!® You see families on their roofs shriving from being up there all night, but not kayak guy! He laughs at the shivering roof people for they will never understand the brilliance of owning a kayak totally for one purpose and that's to look like a stud daring a flood! Damn kayak guy is a pimp! Some people think kayak guy is a superhero with powers far greater then regular men, how else would he be able to kayak daring a flood? But I look at him more as a rebel, the bad ass of the flood, if you will. He wishes for floods, that's how bad ass he is!! Where we see a city street kayak guys sees 15 feet deep water and a cow swimming by. Kayak guy uses the movie Water World like porn, freaky hardcore porn. That's how into floods Kayak Guy is.

If floods and hurricanes weren't enough now we have earthquakes and volcanoes. Hollywood better start Stepping Up!® Because all the summer blockbusters better be pretty fucking awesome this year to be able to top what's going on in real life right now. Although Mt. St. Helens so far has really scored low on the OH MY FUCKING GOD WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!! Scale, It's some where between check the batters in your smoke detector on a regular bases and high mercury levels in tuna, but it still has hope of filling us all with irrational fear. Oh! One other thing everyone stop with all the different alert levels for every fucking thing on the planet, it's really getting on my nerves. I know I'm supposed to worry, I've read the Constitution. Here I'm going to combine all 1,743,293 different alert level charts, that have popped up in the last year, into one easy to use super Stepped Up!® alert level chart. There's only one level "Totally Fucked Beyond All Recognition " because according to every news network that's what we all are no matter what we do. Hmmmm I think I need to stop watching so much TV and go out into the real world, but first I need to order my bio chemical safety suit with matching goggles and hand bag.

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Step 11: The funnier then this step step