Whats Going To Be Taking Up All Your Unused Brain Cells For the Next Few Weeks?
Well this little news story!
DULUTH, Ga. (AP) - On what was to be her wedding day, Jennifer Wilbanks wore not a white veil but an orange towel over her head to prevent the media from taking her picture. Instead of being led down the aisle by her father, she was led by police to an airplane that flew the runaway bride home.
(thats cool how the reporter is able to compare stuff with other stuff)
Now officials say the 32-year-old woman's cold feet may have gotten her in hot water. On Sunday, Gwinnett County District Attorney Danny Porter vowed to look into whether she violated the law by reporting a crime that didn't exist.
(She looks like a gay ghost in this photo...gay ghost don't exist.
ARREST HER!!!)
Wilbanks initially told authorities she was abducted while jogging but later disclosed she took a cross-country bus trip to Albuquerque, N.M., to avoid her lavish, 600-guest wedding.
(Well really who hasn't first started jogging and then ended up on a cross-country bus trip? I know I sure have!)
Porter said Wilbanks could face a misdemeanor charge of false report of a crime or a felony charge of false statements. The misdemeanor carries a penalty of up to a year in jail; five years in prison is the maximum sentence for the felony.
(I hear prison is an awesome way to get out of a lavish, 600-guest wedding)
"If there's criminal responsibility, that's something I have to do something about," Porter said, adding that no decision would be made Sunday. "I think it's really going to depend on the circumstances on how this was done."
(I wish I know what that meant, I would make a really funny comment on it)
Meanwhile Sunday, members of Peachtree Corners Baptist Church, where Mason is a member, said prayers and expressed concern for Wilbanks and her fiance, John Mason, who did not attend services Sunday morning.
(People running away from Baptist? well I never!)
The Rev. Bob Horner thanked church members who had helped in the search for Wilbanks and provided support for family members.
(that last name is mildly ironic, I dig that.)
"Number one, we are so thankful that Jennifer has been found," Horner told the congregation. "Number two, I want to publicly thank all of you who prayed and you who went to Duluth to be with the family."
(Number three, Jennifer is going to burn in hell fire for all eternity for being a liar and a tramp! Amen.)
An FBI spokesman said Saturday that Wilbanks apparently made a sudden decision to flee her looming wedding and did not realize hundreds of people were looking for her. But he also noted she cut her hair to avoid being recognized.
(I really don't think just cutting her hair would have done the trick)
Porter said he would speak on Monday to police in Albuquerque, where Wilbanks turned up late Friday and called her fiance and 911 to report that she had been kidnapped.
(Worst fibber ever!)
Despite angry calls from some residents, authorities in Albuquerque said they had no plans to charge Wilbanks, though they haven't ruled out the possibility.
"We don't have to charge everybody," said Albuquerque police spokeswoman Trish Ahrensfield. "We have discretion. We are human beings. We have feelings and we are professional at the same time."
By all accounts, authorities in Albuquerque befriended the woman.
(Well yeah, they got one look at the husband and took pity on this nut job of a woman)
Wilbanks boarded her plane wearing a new FBI hat, blazer, polo shirt and pants and carrying a new tote bag and teddy bear, a gift from the aviation police chief. She flew first-class and said she planned to name the bear "Al," for Albuquerque.
(Damn if I know you get all kinds of wonderful parting gifts when you fake your own kidnapping I would do it too! Also this woman is 32 year's old and is still naming stuffed animals! She should be put in prison for that reason alone)
"Law enforcement is really making a major move to deal with people in crisis," Albuquerque Police Chief Ray Schulz said Sunday. "Miss Wilbanks was definitely a person in crisis."
(thats awesome how the police of Albuquerque are Stepping Up!® and like helping people in crisis. I mean thats so un-police like ain't it?)
But the Gwinnett County district attorney noted that vast law-enforcement resources were used to look for the missing bride.
After she disappeared last week without her keys, wallet or diamond ring, more than 100 officers led a search that involved several hundred volunteers, including many wedding guests and members of the bridal party.
(Well the wedding guests and bridal party shouldn't be bitching, I'm pretty sure thats part of the deal if you're invited to a wedding. Bride go's missing, you have to help look or you get no cake.)
Porter said he had no jurisdiction over the woman's initial 911 call in Albuquerque, in which she told an operator she was kidnapped by a man and a woman in their 40s who were driving a blue van. Through sobs, she told the dispatcher they had a small handgun.
("small handgun" hahaha thats totally a jab at the dudes penis size)
But Porter said Wilbanks could be charged for reporting her kidnapping story over the phone to Duluth Police Chief Randy Belcher.
(OH DAMN! not old police chief Randy "I don't like fakers" Belcher!!! AHHH!)
Last year, a Wisconsin college student who faked her own abduction and turned up curled in a fetal position in a marsh was given three years' probation for obstructing police and was ordered to repay police at least $9,000 for their search.
(Damn those crazy Wisconsin college student all hopped up on cheese)
Well...thats it folks!
The totally useless news story thats going to be used to distract everyone from the fact that 11664 people have died in Iraq since the start of the oil monopolization!...uh I mean war.
What do you have to say about this Al the Bear?
AWESOME!
This is where I got the story from so I don't like piss them off CLICK ME
MONKEYS ARE A EASY OUT!!!
DULUTH, Ga. (AP) - On what was to be her wedding day, Jennifer Wilbanks wore not a white veil but an orange towel over her head to prevent the media from taking her picture. Instead of being led down the aisle by her father, she was led by police to an airplane that flew the runaway bride home.
(thats cool how the reporter is able to compare stuff with other stuff)
Now officials say the 32-year-old woman's cold feet may have gotten her in hot water. On Sunday, Gwinnett County District Attorney Danny Porter vowed to look into whether she violated the law by reporting a crime that didn't exist.
(She looks like a gay ghost in this photo...gay ghost don't exist.
ARREST HER!!!)
Wilbanks initially told authorities she was abducted while jogging but later disclosed she took a cross-country bus trip to Albuquerque, N.M., to avoid her lavish, 600-guest wedding.
(Well really who hasn't first started jogging and then ended up on a cross-country bus trip? I know I sure have!)
Porter said Wilbanks could face a misdemeanor charge of false report of a crime or a felony charge of false statements. The misdemeanor carries a penalty of up to a year in jail; five years in prison is the maximum sentence for the felony.
(I hear prison is an awesome way to get out of a lavish, 600-guest wedding)
"If there's criminal responsibility, that's something I have to do something about," Porter said, adding that no decision would be made Sunday. "I think it's really going to depend on the circumstances on how this was done."
(I wish I know what that meant, I would make a really funny comment on it)
Meanwhile Sunday, members of Peachtree Corners Baptist Church, where Mason is a member, said prayers and expressed concern for Wilbanks and her fiance, John Mason, who did not attend services Sunday morning.
(People running away from Baptist? well I never!)
The Rev. Bob Horner thanked church members who had helped in the search for Wilbanks and provided support for family members.
(that last name is mildly ironic, I dig that.)
"Number one, we are so thankful that Jennifer has been found," Horner told the congregation. "Number two, I want to publicly thank all of you who prayed and you who went to Duluth to be with the family."
(Number three, Jennifer is going to burn in hell fire for all eternity for being a liar and a tramp! Amen.)
An FBI spokesman said Saturday that Wilbanks apparently made a sudden decision to flee her looming wedding and did not realize hundreds of people were looking for her. But he also noted she cut her hair to avoid being recognized.
(I really don't think just cutting her hair would have done the trick)
Porter said he would speak on Monday to police in Albuquerque, where Wilbanks turned up late Friday and called her fiance and 911 to report that she had been kidnapped.
(Worst fibber ever!)
Despite angry calls from some residents, authorities in Albuquerque said they had no plans to charge Wilbanks, though they haven't ruled out the possibility.
"We don't have to charge everybody," said Albuquerque police spokeswoman Trish Ahrensfield. "We have discretion. We are human beings. We have feelings and we are professional at the same time."
By all accounts, authorities in Albuquerque befriended the woman.
(Well yeah, they got one look at the husband and took pity on this nut job of a woman)
Wilbanks boarded her plane wearing a new FBI hat, blazer, polo shirt and pants and carrying a new tote bag and teddy bear, a gift from the aviation police chief. She flew first-class and said she planned to name the bear "Al," for Albuquerque.
(Damn if I know you get all kinds of wonderful parting gifts when you fake your own kidnapping I would do it too! Also this woman is 32 year's old and is still naming stuffed animals! She should be put in prison for that reason alone)
"Law enforcement is really making a major move to deal with people in crisis," Albuquerque Police Chief Ray Schulz said Sunday. "Miss Wilbanks was definitely a person in crisis."
(thats awesome how the police of Albuquerque are Stepping Up!® and like helping people in crisis. I mean thats so un-police like ain't it?)
But the Gwinnett County district attorney noted that vast law-enforcement resources were used to look for the missing bride.
After she disappeared last week without her keys, wallet or diamond ring, more than 100 officers led a search that involved several hundred volunteers, including many wedding guests and members of the bridal party.
(Well the wedding guests and bridal party shouldn't be bitching, I'm pretty sure thats part of the deal if you're invited to a wedding. Bride go's missing, you have to help look or you get no cake.)
Porter said he had no jurisdiction over the woman's initial 911 call in Albuquerque, in which she told an operator she was kidnapped by a man and a woman in their 40s who were driving a blue van. Through sobs, she told the dispatcher they had a small handgun.
("small handgun" hahaha thats totally a jab at the dudes penis size)
But Porter said Wilbanks could be charged for reporting her kidnapping story over the phone to Duluth Police Chief Randy Belcher.
(OH DAMN! not old police chief Randy "I don't like fakers" Belcher!!! AHHH!)
Last year, a Wisconsin college student who faked her own abduction and turned up curled in a fetal position in a marsh was given three years' probation for obstructing police and was ordered to repay police at least $9,000 for their search.
(Damn those crazy Wisconsin college student all hopped up on cheese)
Well...thats it folks!
The totally useless news story thats going to be used to distract everyone from the fact that 11664 people have died in Iraq since the start of the oil monopolization!...uh I mean war.
What do you have to say about this Al the Bear?
AWESOME!
This is where I got the story from so I don't like piss them off CLICK ME
MONKEYS ARE A EASY OUT!!!
posted by Dr.Moonman at 1:30 AM
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